Great now I'm crying

I fear being a mom

A mom with no feelings

A mom with fowl language 

A mom with anger management problems 

A mom with no athletic build

A mom with no imagination 

A mom hooked on drugs

A mom who'll go to jail

A mom who'll die to early

A mom who won't make evey meal

A mom who won't have kids

A mom who won't play with kids

A mom who's not a good wife

A mom who can't give her husband everything 

A mom who won't know how to take care or comfort

A mom that won't help with homework 

A mom that's always on her phone

A mom that will be judged by hers

A mom always under pressure 

A mom trying to give her kids everything 

A mom that's always late

A mom that never has time for dates

A mom who criticizes

A mom that's to strict

A mom who's to layed back

A mom who sleeps every day not night

A mom who won't listen or understand 

A mom who only crys for herself

A mom just like mine

Half hearted girl

They say I'm clinically depressed 

I took a written test

I'm supposed to be talking to somebody with a degree

I have not done that yet

But pretty sure I can guess how it's going to be

"Why do you think you're depressed?" She'd say

I would stare for a while thinking in a trance 

My childhood had its ups and downs

I lost friends I gainded some

I tried sports and gave up some

I fail almost every test I take

I never went on trips with all seven members of my family 

I never had a family meeting with out yelling or someone storming off

I visited the hospital more than my grandmas 

I cried more for my brother than I cried for me

I talked to my brother even though he couldn't talk back

I hugged him when no one else would 

I swear I cooked more than my mom

I told stories to mom even though she wouldn't remember them the next day

I got shut down when I wanted to spend time with mom cause "sorry honey I already took my ambien"

I have to tell my sisters I love them for my mom

I have to be responsible being the mom I mean oldest girl 

I have to watch my dad try to keep the roof on my house, the wind is blowing hard

I watched as we struggled to pay medical bills

I sang myself to sleep "heavenly father are you really there?"

I day dreamed cause I stopped dreaming for a while

I found out all the problems I have in the past two years

But does all this stop me or hold me down?

I'd say no, but isn't that why I'm here

"You're here cause you need someone to talk to, someone who doesn't know your past. So you can tell them your story." She'd say when I'm finished 

Then she'd shake my hand and say "hold on till we meet again." With a smile. 

Rocks will lift every time I go I know cause my brothers did.

Same with every time I write, maybe that's why writing is thee best.

Times fright and that's alright?

Running ru ru running

Trees lashing

Skin bleeding

Heart speeding

Lungs pumping

Hair whipping

People dying

I'm flying 

Far fa fa far away

Get ge ge get me outa here

The world is coming to a an end and I'm barely breathing 

Heart failing 

All a a all alone 

Dark da da dark 

I'm hiding now

And no this is not an apocalypse 

But the end of the world

Plates caving

Trees splitting 

Mountains crumbling 

Oceans bubbling

And a a and I'm here alone

Lost lo lo lost in time

With not a soul in sight

Collapsing 

Grasping dirt that's skidding 

I'm sinking 

I think I'm evaporating 

Slow sl sl slow but so fast

No one to save me

Revive me

Ignite me

It's ok though cause I'm not the only one dying 

We all are... I mean will

If you give a girl a tree house

You'll need to make sure it's high above the ground with a secret location to go with it.

You'll need room to rollerblade and a rug to move with it.

A secret exit that you can climb up to the top of the highest branches then you'll have to show her how to tree hug. 

Paint the ceiling like the ocean sky and some vintage wallpaper to go with it. 

Find an old jukebox to play her favorite tunes then you'll need to learn how to dance.

Have a pale tied to a rope that you can send messages down.

A swing with a tire to go with it.

A window that you have to crank open with Some binoculars to go with it. 

A sewing machine for her to try and sew.

Make sure you sticky note it monthly always have sharpie markers around.

Plenty of candles with a lighter and flame.

An old camera to capture all her memories. 

A shelve with her favorite books to go in it.

Some pancake mix so you have sweet fights but also taste wonderful.

You'll need an old T.V. with antennas to go with it.

A blanket that your grandma made with hot cocoa to go with it.

A picnic basket with a tea set to go with it.

A sun roof with some stars to go with it.

An empty wall with some picture frames to go with it.

A bird feeder with some birds to go with it.

A treasure box with some dress ups to go with it. 

Last of all second floor to go with the first.

Gazing off the porch

Of course I'm not star gazing by myself my dogs here. Oh wait she just left, she scratched the door my dad didn't let her in. So she scratched my back to get me to let her in, how could I resist her cuteness? But now I sit here alone, with only the crickets near that I can only hear. Breathing in and out the fresh fall air. The moon is south and the stars I see are mostly every where. I see a greater than sign. I see a small kite. I see a lightning strike this late a night. I think I see a mustache or could it just be a squiggly line. I am playing connect the dots with limited lights. I feel quite at night. I just heard an airplane fly by. Like my heart swishing by. My dads walking inside. You might think I have ADD the answer is yes. That is why I like to star gaze I can skip from star to star with out being bored. I don't have to listen to any one only have to worry about my neighbors cat stopping by. I think I can see a planet but how would I know I'm no astronomer. All I know is Stars bring joy to my world, even though they just sit there they make me realize how neat our earth truthfully is. I do get sad when the sun comes up because all my stars sprint far away. I stare and wait for them to show again that day. It's really hard to tell you what I see, but maybe someday someone will ask me to show them what I see. My butts numb so that's all I gaze for tonight. 

Sequences

Born live death

Start run finish

Crawl stand walk

Wake up struggle sleep

Work work work

Play play play 

School school school

Seek find kill

Sin jail escape 

Smoke addiction cancer

Pain surgery recover 

Discover practice defeat

Plan travel arrive 

Trot cantor gallup 

Death depression realization 

Jump fall land

Sing pray worship

Explore jackpot love

Love Marriage baby 

Lie guilt punishment