Random memories

I Remember when I learned how to brush my teeth in first grade

I remember when my brother said I couldn't take my shirt off cause I'm a girl

I remember the first time I swear I stubbed my toe on my scooter 

I remember my first surgery when I was eight

I remember when we played house in the backyard and leaves were money

I remember quitting piano cause I hated practicing 

I remember when my brother slept walk and pee'd on the cupboard 

I remember watching jungle book every night

I remember being afraid of the dark

I remember when u couldn't see the floor of my room 

I remember getting chicken poxs

I remember when I didn't need an alarm clock 

I remember holding my pee all through elementary 

I remember going to the library with my family 

I remember when words on pages scared me

I remember thinking I was gonna be an Olympian 

I remember daring a guy to kiss a girl and he did behind the dumpster

I remember night games every summer night

I remember my eye sight being perfect 

I remember when books where enemies 

I remember when the only swear words I heard came from my mom and dad

I remember when my brother babysitting and unplugging all the phones so we couldn't call mom and dad

I remember having quiet time on Sunday's 

I can't remember my family being normal 

I remember all my hospital visits 

I remember when friends ment escape 

I remember prank calling 

I remember icecream trucks and there creepy drivers 

I remember when money seemed easy 

I remember when I had to ask for rides

I remember when school wasn't a burden

I remember the first time I sluffed 

I remember when social media was webkinz 

I remember saving up for every toy I bought 

I remember how I became responsible 

I remember when time was a dream 

Fatal crime

Return it or keep it

I bought a lizard over the break and I think it's dying, it's been on its log for two days and it won't eat. The crickets just die off in the cage. I'm lost, I've never owned a lizard. I think I've killed it..

Maps

My heart is the only thing that keeps on rooting for me 

The one thing that try's to not hold me back from my future plans

It's a map that can be crossed and be lead in any direction 

Blood tears with dirt

Left right left right we fight

For the writers lovers and the ones who have already passed

We breath so others can breath more

With our muddy boots and wet socks 

Straight lines we march non stop

Shoulders high with pride

Our lives are not to hide

But to fight

Fight those who have the nerve

Nerve to die for there country 

Short quick you breath 

Deciphering ever step

Ever bomb that awaits closer to death

But you continue on losing yourself in auto mode

Friends collapsing in your arms and tears of blood are shed

But you just got get up and keep on moving 

When you finally go home you have night terrors and your family cries for you

You yell "don't die hold on! Think of all the good things you'll leave"

When you come back to yourself, your holding your crying son.

But they know there's nothing they can do for except pray in hope.

Then you have to leave to war once again

And this time you cry twice as hard

And hope you take more steps then the last

Raised by WOLVES

Running barefoot long and far my feet grow old with one inch calluses 

Unleashed out of my cage

Free with glee 

No leash can stop me

I can smell the the trees sprouting

Really I can only see in the dark

High up on a ledge I sit

Howling at the moon

Making marks of this is my territory 

Hair blowing past me with some strays

White faced with rage

I jump into the sky 

Claws stretched ready to clench down

Gravity centers lost

I catch this prey that's under my nose

Show them it's time to die

Gnawing the pain I painted away 

Not everyone can rule the world

Now I hide cause my guilty pleasure won't stop raging out 

I was trained and unbehaved 

My pack took count on each of my preys 

I received very little of my effort

My coats thin but not dry 

My grudges are still there but not as gnarly 

I live for survival not necessarily life in general 

Nature of da leprechauns

What if we were all leprechauns 

We would drink exuberantly 

Fill our socks and pots with many gold

We would skip rocks cause we're lucky

Fill our garden with four leaf clovers 

We would dodge every trap on March the 17th

Fill our house with mushrooms and green top hats

We would have to comb our red beards

Fill our hearts with waterfalls 

We skip Marley  all along the day 

Fill our minds with absolutely nothing 

We would win some and lose some

Oh joy oh joy it would be I can see it now

We could be hobbits but our feet would be overly large

Plus you wouldn't have no Irish accent 

Tourist attraction

I rode on a tourist attraction 

It was fun but dumb cause I knew it wouldn't last

The ride was short, I had to get off cause the ride thought I couldn't handle what would happen next

I didn't look back not once or twice, not giving in to the thrill of kicking off another rider

But ride you said you wanted me but I couldn't pay the price

The ride could not control or change itself for me

It's bolted to the pavement and can't be moved its already been created 

But the ride will be ok cause other people will get back on 

The ride will keep on going how it always has amused and free

Addicted to a thrill I can't provide

I'll probably still remember the ride and want to get back on, but I can't because there are other people on the ride and that's why I left

But it's fine you go your way and I'll go mine

Dear brother I'm sorry for your death

Death is an interpretation of loss.

In this case you lost life

Lost the only thing you really loved in life

I tried being there for you, but in reality no one could be there for you except her

You guys were my definition of love

Love I'd never had

Love that movies discontinued 

Your love story's worse then the notebook 

It lasted two years

Your love was long happy and sad all at the same time

You went over to her house every day

You cleaned there house top to bottom so her mom would like you, but her mom was using you

Knowing you guys can't and wouldn't last, she wanted it to end all along 

You called her mom Hitler 

Maybe cause she destroyed and happiness the could happen

You loved her so much 

You loved that she didn't wear makeup or try to calm her natural curly hair

You guys had a journal you passed back in forth cause you couldn't see each other anymore 

You had a mailbox hidden in the woods that you would leave notes for each other 

This was a hidden love, full of lies so it could keep beating

Beat the hell out of each other cause you could only me in secret 

Secret hand holds and hugs, no kisses cause that would cause her death 

You told me you didn't want her to want you more than she already does cause that would kill her and you cause she would be dead

This probably doesn't make sense

We had late night talks on how she gave you a letter that day and how she loved your last blog post, she always wrote in cursive 

You skipped classes just so you could be together 

Talk to each other or even smile at one another 

Cause to every one else you weren't lovers or friends anymore 

Then a before she went of to choir tour the night of Valentine's Day

You kissed her face you kissed her lips

Even though it was wrong you couldn't hold it back any longer

She left and she kissed her neighborhood boy

And your heart literally cracked in half 

I heard you cry ever night when I would almost knock on your door but my hand would drop I didn't know boys could cry

All this love could've been a lie or her death of not being able to love you

Yes brother I do feel for you

Ever sense you lost her you haven't been the same

Your a brave solider in a war zone that you can't stop

I watched as you gathered her gifts and notes and boxed them up and tapped it shut 

Hoping you could forget her soon

But I knew that couldn't happen cause this is a severe death

A wound that won't stay shut

Your on a mission now a mission that will show you a new life

I'm proud of you death is hard

I hope I don't suffer a hard death 

Love is death 

Crowd my kitchen

You could see her white hair a mile a way that's how good it was. You would smell her cooking half a mile away. If you could even see her you would feel her love. She smiles God to you, she speaks like a wise men. Old so old she taught so many of her life lessons.  Now shes gone long gone and now you won't meet her here. She's up there up were they need her more. Reunited with her love lost years ago. So many things I'm missing.. She knew comfort, love, Hope.  Come Crowd my kitchen, crowd my kitchen...

but all of you would not fit in it. 

Great now I'm crying

I fear being a mom

A mom with no feelings

A mom with fowl language 

A mom with anger management problems 

A mom with no athletic build

A mom with no imagination 

A mom hooked on drugs

A mom who'll go to jail

A mom who'll die to early

A mom who won't make evey meal

A mom who won't have kids

A mom who won't play with kids

A mom who's not a good wife

A mom who can't give her husband everything 

A mom who won't know how to take care or comfort

A mom that won't help with homework 

A mom that's always on her phone

A mom that will be judged by hers

A mom always under pressure 

A mom trying to give her kids everything 

A mom that's always late

A mom that never has time for dates

A mom who criticizes

A mom that's to strict

A mom who's to layed back

A mom who sleeps every day not night

A mom who won't listen or understand 

A mom who only crys for herself

A mom just like mine

Half hearted girl

They say I'm clinically depressed 

I took a written test

I'm supposed to be talking to somebody with a degree

I have not done that yet

But pretty sure I can guess how it's going to be

"Why do you think you're depressed?" She'd say

I would stare for a while thinking in a trance 

My childhood had its ups and downs

I lost friends I gainded some

I tried sports and gave up some

I fail almost every test I take

I never went on trips with all seven members of my family 

I never had a family meeting with out yelling or someone storming off

I visited the hospital more than my grandmas 

I cried more for my brother than I cried for me

I talked to my brother even though he couldn't talk back

I hugged him when no one else would 

I swear I cooked more than my mom

I told stories to mom even though she wouldn't remember them the next day

I got shut down when I wanted to spend time with mom cause "sorry honey I already took my ambien"

I have to tell my sisters I love them for my mom

I have to be responsible being the mom I mean oldest girl 

I have to watch my dad try to keep the roof on my house, the wind is blowing hard

I watched as we struggled to pay medical bills

I sang myself to sleep "heavenly father are you really there?"

I day dreamed cause I stopped dreaming for a while

I found out all the problems I have in the past two years

But does all this stop me or hold me down?

I'd say no, but isn't that why I'm here

"You're here cause you need someone to talk to, someone who doesn't know your past. So you can tell them your story." She'd say when I'm finished 

Then she'd shake my hand and say "hold on till we meet again." With a smile. 

Rocks will lift every time I go I know cause my brothers did.

Same with every time I write, maybe that's why writing is thee best.

Times fright and that's alright?

Running ru ru running

Trees lashing

Skin bleeding

Heart speeding

Lungs pumping

Hair whipping

People dying

I'm flying 

Far fa fa far away

Get ge ge get me outa here

The world is coming to a an end and I'm barely breathing 

Heart failing 

All a a all alone 

Dark da da dark 

I'm hiding now

And no this is not an apocalypse 

But the end of the world

Plates caving

Trees splitting 

Mountains crumbling 

Oceans bubbling

And a a and I'm here alone

Lost lo lo lost in time

With not a soul in sight

Collapsing 

Grasping dirt that's skidding 

I'm sinking 

I think I'm evaporating 

Slow sl sl slow but so fast

No one to save me

Revive me

Ignite me

It's ok though cause I'm not the only one dying 

We all are... I mean will

If you give a girl a tree house

You'll need to make sure it's high above the ground with a secret location to go with it.

You'll need room to rollerblade and a rug to move with it.

A secret exit that you can climb up to the top of the highest branches then you'll have to show her how to tree hug. 

Paint the ceiling like the ocean sky and some vintage wallpaper to go with it. 

Find an old jukebox to play her favorite tunes then you'll need to learn how to dance.

Have a pale tied to a rope that you can send messages down.

A swing with a tire to go with it.

A window that you have to crank open with Some binoculars to go with it. 

A sewing machine for her to try and sew.

Make sure you sticky note it monthly always have sharpie markers around.

Plenty of candles with a lighter and flame.

An old camera to capture all her memories. 

A shelve with her favorite books to go in it.

Some pancake mix so you have sweet fights but also taste wonderful.

You'll need an old T.V. with antennas to go with it.

A blanket that your grandma made with hot cocoa to go with it.

A picnic basket with a tea set to go with it.

A sun roof with some stars to go with it.

An empty wall with some picture frames to go with it.

A bird feeder with some birds to go with it.

A treasure box with some dress ups to go with it. 

Last of all second floor to go with the first.

Gazing off the porch

Of course I'm not star gazing by myself my dogs here. Oh wait she just left, she scratched the door my dad didn't let her in. So she scratched my back to get me to let her in, how could I resist her cuteness? But now I sit here alone, with only the crickets near that I can only hear. Breathing in and out the fresh fall air. The moon is south and the stars I see are mostly every where. I see a greater than sign. I see a small kite. I see a lightning strike this late a night. I think I see a mustache or could it just be a squiggly line. I am playing connect the dots with limited lights. I feel quite at night. I just heard an airplane fly by. Like my heart swishing by. My dads walking inside. You might think I have ADD the answer is yes. That is why I like to star gaze I can skip from star to star with out being bored. I don't have to listen to any one only have to worry about my neighbors cat stopping by. I think I can see a planet but how would I know I'm no astronomer. All I know is Stars bring joy to my world, even though they just sit there they make me realize how neat our earth truthfully is. I do get sad when the sun comes up because all my stars sprint far away. I stare and wait for them to show again that day. It's really hard to tell you what I see, but maybe someday someone will ask me to show them what I see. My butts numb so that's all I gaze for tonight. 

Sequences

Born live death

Start run finish

Crawl stand walk

Wake up struggle sleep

Work work work

Play play play 

School school school

Seek find kill

Sin jail escape 

Smoke addiction cancer

Pain surgery recover 

Discover practice defeat

Plan travel arrive 

Trot cantor gallup 

Death depression realization 

Jump fall land

Sing pray worship

Explore jackpot love

Love Marriage baby 

Lie guilt punishment 

These are not perfect shots

Some guys taught me how to use my camera haha still needs some work.



It'd be cool to work for a magazine one day. Be one of those guys that takes hours even days just to get the perfect shot. Whether it's in terrible weather or clear the heck around the world you'd capture it. You'd get payed millions and people would see your work everyday. You'd be the real kind of famous the kind that is misread by Miley Cyrus and JB. People would appreciate and love you. Hopefully people would soon realize how hard it really is to take a perfect shot. It's not just a click. They would understand there is a meaning behind your great pic. PICTURES really express life in general. Inspired by the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty".

Dirty bricks

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mCHUw7ACS8o play this song "dirty paws"

Jumping up and down the floor,

My head is a brick 

And once there was a brick,

It had a son that mowed the lawn.

The son was an ok guy,

The bricks had a pet dragonfly.

The dragonfly it ran away,

But it came back with a story to say.

The bricks dirty paws and furry coat,

The brick ran down the forest slope.

The forest of talking bricks, 

They used to sing about the birds and the bricks.

The bricks had declared a war,

The sky wasn't big enough for them all.

The birds, they got help from below,

From the concrete and the creatures of snow.

And for a while things were cold,

The bricks were scared down in their holes.

The forest that once was green

Was colored black by those killing brids.

But the bricks and her furry brick friends

Took down the queen bird and her men.

And that's how the story goes,

The story of the brick with those four dirty paws.

Man I should be a comedian

They say kids laugh at least 300 times a day, adults only 15 times.
What does that say about this world today?
It say's we lose our laugh as time fly's by
I'm not a mean person I just have a funny perspective of life.
I'm just a joker who can't run out of cards
I laugh at the kid that sits in front of me
I laugh at my teachers and what silly things they teach
I argue just to laugh
I laugh at my imagination cause its weirder then
I laugh to make me fill great
I even laugh at my weird dance moves
I laugh at my own jokes even though they're probably not funny
My goal's to make everyone I talk to laugh at least twice a day
I laugh at the food I eat
hahaha
I laugh at my car
I laugh at the music I play cause I like oldies and 80's and indie
I still laugh at Scooby doo
I laugh at my girl and boy clothes
I laugh at my own face
I laugh at my love life oh wait hahaha
I laugh when I'm on date and that fact that I went on the date
I laugh during chick flicks when people cry
I laugh when I read
I laugh at the people across the street
I laugh at America... sorry
I laugh at boys
I laugh at work, how's that possible?
I laugh in stores
I laugh at Utah's bipolar weather
I laugh when I'm being weird, cause I laugh when others feel weird
Lets face it when am I not laughing.
haha I laugh at the beginning of texts and at the end haha

Laugh all day every day

Random but funny

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When the times right love will fight into your life

 Play forth song on playlist


We'll make a kite but it won't fly cause we probably lost the instructions knowing us..

It's ok though cause you'll still make me fly~

We will live in New York, just for enough time to eat dinner between tall buildings.

I'll give you a kiss every morning even if you have the flu or ride by on your unicycle.

Our love is gonna be a charade of cards not knowing each others next move.

Like when we go zip lining the old fashion way.

Or like when you go to war we wont see that coming from a hundred feet.

Don't worry we'll ride the motorcycle you've always wanted when you get back.

We'll put your granddads records on and wear old top hats.

We will go on Sunday drives like its the last cause I love you.

When we grow old we'll still laugh and that's how we know our love is still a constellation connecting all the dots.

Oh my gosh I wish I'd known you longer.

 

Now you are probably wondering why this is all black and white. Well that's because love is a bomb being held till it's dropped and then boom wonderful colors collide into your life.